manic depression
i feel lucky
the only misfortune to ever befall me
was to have been born in the first place
& if there was one after that
it was to have lived in this insignificant age
or,
maybe my misfortune was meeting you
it’s not that i don’t love you:
you’re a blessing and i do
but if we’d never been friends
could i have betrayed
or misguided or misspoke
so many things i shouldn’t say?
because of you i have regret-
and i feel worse when you forgive-
it’s too late now, but i wish
that i’d never ever lived
for
if i’d never lived
i could never go to hell
or fear
or hate my self
there’d be no way i could fail
don’t worry; i’m not gonna kill my self
i’m much too vain for that
i have honor
i want revenge
i’m here: no turning back
